England Are Playing in a World Cup Semi-Final Tonight, and I Am Ready to Be Hurt Again

Nerves, Nails and Pale Ales

My heart is racing, my palms are sweaty and I'm sweating nervously in places where I didn't even know I had places. This is a feeling that can only be brought around by sport. Or, y'know, weddings and what have you. But I would argue that a chance for Thomas Tuchel's beautiful bastard Lions to make it into a World Cup final trumps that somewhat.

Tonight may end up being the night of all nights when it comes to England's international fortunes at the World Cup, followed by what will hopefully be a night to top it all off on Sunday, earned later this evening.

We are in action this evening against a country who famously love us dearly in Argentina, and a spot in the showcase game of the summer to combat for a first major trophy in 60 years lies at stake in the agonising wait for the full-time whistle.

I'll be there in front of the telly, because I'm not quite insane enough to go to the pub for this one, filled to the brim with nervous anticipation behind every single kick before inevitably becoming "not that fussed" about international football for the next two years. There is so much tension surrounding this game, but in the English hearts and minds lies the echoes of all the misery we have endured on global and continental stages over the years gone by.

So, yes. England vs Argentina. Let's bloody have you.

Our Opposition

It's Argentina on the menu this evening, with the victor meeting Spain in the World Cup final and the loser being subjected to the pointless charity match that is the third-placed playoff on Saturday evening.

Time to avenge the Top Gear boys then, chaps.

You can't really discuss Argentina without noting their most obvious dangerman - the South American Benjamin Button in the form of Lionel Messi, who has completely defied his ripe old years (39) with some glittering displays in North America this summer. My colleague keeps referring to him as the 'Magic Midget'. I'm not sure if that crosses a line somewhere, but it certainly rings true when you talk about the Barcelona legend - he is absolutely magic. And short. But mostly magic.

If you’re gonna win the World Cup you might as well beat the reigning World and European champions in the process

— George Elek (@GeorgeElek) July 14, 2026

He is joint-level with Kylian Mbappe in the Golden Boot charge in this instance of the World Cup, which is a particular accolade that his esteemed trophy cabinet does not yet hold at the minute. One thing he does have over 'Mr World Cup' is the leading spot in the all-time World Cup goalscoring charts with both players blitzing the record set by Miroslav Klose in 2014. Mbappe is, of course, only 27 and will surely have a minimum of two more global tournaments left in his career and will almost certainly snatch the record from him in Morocco in four years, but still - well done to him.

But he stands as the mercurial dangerman of the Argentinian side and the one player that will give England the biggest headache in dealing with. And that's before you even get into his plenty-talented colleagues like Julian Alvarez, Enzo Fernandez and Lautaro Martinez, the lattermost having proved that he can in fact play football when the TV cameras are switched on.

But I'm going to stick my neck on the line in a big way here... we are better than them.

Tonight’s the night.

Biggest England game in my lifetime so far.

Let’s do it 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🙏🏻 pic.twitter.com/3HttMGC9bb

— Reiss 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 (@ReissNFFC) July 15, 2026

I went through their starting eleven from their last win, a solid 3-1 success over Switzerland in the quarter-finals and compared it to ours, drawing a few conclusions fuelled potentially by classic English bias rather than any tactical acumen or analysis.

As much as I love Jordan Pickford, I am probably taking Emi Martinez instead of him and any man with a brain would sooner take Messi over Bukayo Saka or Noni Madueke. But if I'm being honest... that's about it.

James over Molina. Konsa and Guehi over Cristian Romero and the tiny little 'butcher' Martinez. O'Reilly beats Tagliafico, a midfield three of Bellingham, Rice and my sweet summer child Elliot Anderson tops Paredes, De Paul and Mac Allister man-for-man. Argentina don't play with a traditional winger, so I can't really make too many clamours for the likes of Anthony Gordon or Marcus Rashford, but sod it, I'll take them anyway.

Have I just made a rule for our own back? The old 'commentator's curse' if you will? Probably. But like the title suggests, I am prepared to be hurt again so from the opinion front I will happily go down swinging for the fences. And if I do? Well, I'm not watching the sodding third-placed match. Nobody cares.

Can England Defeat Argentina?

It's the 'Hand of God' goal and the greatest goal in the history of the sport from 1986. It's the Falklands War (which I am not going to get into). It's a spot in the World Cup final. This match is going to mean everything to both of these sides for a plethora of reasons both on and off the pitch, but it's the chance for England to finally make good on the ascension their team has made in the last 12 years.

In Brazil, back in 2014, we rocked up to the global stage with Gary Cahill and Phil Jagielka at the back and Danny Welbeck on the wing. Fine players, sure, but ones that didn't hold a candle to the quality of their opposition 12 years back and certainly don't to the quality of the players in those positions for the Three Lions today.

last time we were in a world cup semi pic.twitter.com/1gtZ7EJ2TM

— zak 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🇫🇰 (@zakmanutdd) July 14, 2026

Gareth Southgate, with a squad that seemed decent then but now has me looking back thinking "how the fuck did we manage that" managed to re-light the fuse of belief in England regarding their squad. The famous Three Lions song and the phrase "it's coming home" had been self-awarely and sarcastically belted out for many a year, but now there was an understanding that the birthplace of football does, in fact, still have a spot with the present-day big boys. A song which, by the way, details what was then '30 years of hurt', and is now 30-years-old in itself. Brilliant.

That was followed by back-to-back European Championship finals, and a close loss to France in the quarter-finals of the last World Cup as well. In steps Thomas Tuchel, chosen for his experience in bringing home major trophies, and now lands the chance for him to put his CV on the line and prove that he can do what he was brought in to do.

So whilst I may be shaking like a shitting dog and, upon kick-off, my forehead will be sweatier than Fred West watching Ground Force, I am still filled to the very top with pure and utter belief in this squad and this country.

Go on then, lads. Get to that final, and bring it home.

Jeremy Clarkson wills it.