We Don't Know Whether to Laugh at or Cry With Everton after Shocking Window Leaves Them Sparse

The Most Everton Transfer Window of All Time - A Summary of the Toffees Summer Disaster

It's fairly safe to say that we can all agree on this being one of the strangest and best summer transfer windows in recent memory, record fees broken, hijacking hijacks, whole summer sagas finally being concluded but most importantly is that even amongst everything going on Everton have still managed to balls it up.

What began as looking incredibly promising for the Toffees has ended up with a window leaving them with one of the most barebones squads in the league and multiple X accounts going into meltdown.

To sum up how I envision the reaction has gone down in the blue side of Merseyside all I can ask is if someone please goes and check on Bramley Moore Docks, there is a 90% chance the Hill Dickinson has been sunk or is about to be sunk.

When we actually do a run through of how this window has panned out for Everton though I can't say I would really blame any of their fans if they have in fact taken the anger out on the stadium as it is genuinely insane that the clubs ownership have allowed things to pan out in the way they have.

Jealous of Balogun
Wish I could walk away from Everton. I fucking hate them so much

— Joe Bluecock (@joextweet) September 2, 2026

The Sheer Lack of Depth Now in the Squad

This is the key sticking point as to why the window will go down as such as disaster for Everton, after the events of deadline day or perhaps we should say the lack of events in regard to incomings (more on that later) the squad may actually not survive the season and I do not say that with an ounce of exaggeration.

Depth wise Everton have left themselves so short it reaches levels of actual insanity and it has in fact pushed fans online to insanity, Thierno Barry is now the only actual striker left at the club...

Speaking of going insane Barry himself may have been sent insane by the whole days saga as he made a series of Instagram stories about the events, it was all very strange and the Toffees have either turned him into the league's best striker now or the joker, it's all too early to say.

At least defensively the situation might actually be worse!!!

Yes the defence now has a single out and out left back following sending backup Adam Aznou on loan to Malaga without replacement, in addition to this the club only have one actual right back with former Arsenal man Ainsley Maitland-Niles joining from Lyon.

Ironically, Maitland-Niles' whole reason for leaving Arsenal all those years ago was to avoid being played as a right back, so Everton's only actual right back is a man who literally fled to France to avoid the position, yeah that bodes great.

In some sort of silver lining the club do have players with versatility that can be used in emergency situations, Merlin Rohl has been deployed at the right back position a few times already and has looked solid there, up front Tyrique George can be used as a striker but again just getting actual players that play in these positions might have been a better idea.

And over in the B-plot, we might’ve actually turned Thierno Barry into The Joker in the midst of all this pic.twitter.com/zV3ReNSNtF

— Happily Dissatisfied (@nocontextEFC) September 2, 2026

The Striker Signing Saga and Being Food Chained by Absolutely Nobody

Everton's battle to sign a striker on deadline day may well be one of the funniest sagas I have personally ever seen happen in the transfer window, it somehow managed to mess up the window of three clubs simultaneously and might be the most Everton thing to have ever happened.

The whole saga centered around signing USA international and AS Monaco's Folarin Balogun who was set to sign a deal to make the switch to Merseyside for a reported fee of around £40m.

Everything was going smoothly up until the medical which raised concerns from the Everton side of things and prompted them to renegotiate with Monaco and eventually they agreed an updated package with the medical concerns factored in.

It is important to note that the forward was quite literally at Finch Farm with an expectation from both sides that he was about to sign the deal at any given moment and put pen to paper to make the switch official, the media team were on standby to get going with the announcement, executives and agents awaiting confirmation to get the move official and sign all the paperwork.

Then all of a sudden Balogun at the very last minute decides he actually doesn't want the move and leaves to head back to Monaco leaving everyone 'shocked' and 'dissapointed' considering how close the move actually was.

During all of this Everton had sanctioned a move for Beto to head to Florence to sign for Fiorentina with the assumption that Balogun was to be his replacement and it was all but confirmed so no concerns over how light the squad would be, now the Toffees find themselves with only one actual striker for the season, or at least until January.

The striker position was one of the crucial areas the side were aiming to improve in the window and they somehow managed to end up weaker and short, incredilby Everton it must be said.

Oh and as mentioned when the Balogun deal fell through, this was the exact catalyst for why Chelsea were then blocked from completeing the Camara deal from Monaco which then messed up the window not just for Everton but also Chelsea and Monaco, just to add the cherry on top of this already perfect deadline day story.

To add to this whole saga for anyone fans reading, please go through and read the live updates from a fans account I have added in below it is absolutely peak Everton content.

We just got food chained nobody. We got food chained by the option to simply not sign for us. Everton got food chained by a man remembering he has free will and doesn’t have to come here

— Happily Dissatisfied (@nocontextEFC) September 1, 2026

The Actual List of Ins and Outs

So how are Everton actually looking with their signings and sales at the end of what looked to have potential as a brilliant window I hear you cry, fear not as here is the full list of their comings and goings and how it leaves the squad looking, with a huge emphasis on how light it leaves the squad looking.

Incomings:

• Merlin Rohl (Freiburg to Everton) £21m
• Hayden Hackney (Middlesborough to Everton) £17m
• Christian Norgaard (Arsenal to Everton) £6.9m
• Brennan Johnson (Crystal Palace to Everton) Part of swap deal with Dwight McNeil
• Jack Grealish (Manchester City to Everton) Loan
• Ainsley Maitland-Niles (Olympique Lyonnais to Everton) £4.3m

Outgoings:

• Idrissa Gana Gueye (Everton to Free Agency) Free
• Tyler Onyango (Everton to Free Agency) Free
• Seamus Coleman (Everton to Free Agency) Free
• Dwight McNeil (Everton to Crystal Palace) Part of swap deal with Brennan Johnson
• Adam Aznou (Everton to Malaga) Loan
• Beto (Everton to Fiorentina) £15m
• Nathan Patterson (Everton to Torino) Free
• Iliman Ndiaye (Everton to Manchester City) £65m
• Elijah Campbell (Everton to MK Dons) Loan
• Tim Iroegbunam (Everton to Hull City) £13m

So a lot of business came and went through the doors of Finch Farm but how does that actually leave the squad looking and what's the reality of light thin the squad is heading back into the Premier League.

Everton's Current Squad:

Goalkeepers:

• Jordan Pickford
• Mark Travers
• Tom King

Defenders:

• Ainsley Maitland-Niles (RB,RWB,RM)
• Jake O'Brien (CB,RB)
• Merlin Rohl (RB,RW,DM)
• Jarrad Branthwaite (CB,LB)
• Michael Keane (CB)
• James tarkowski (CB)
• Vitaliy Mykolenko (LB)

Midfielders:

• Christian Norgaard (DM,CM,CB)
• Hayden Hackney (DM,CM,AM,LW)
• James Garner (DM,RB)
• Harrison Armstrong (CM,AM,DM,RW)
• Kiernan Dewsbury-Hall (AM,DM)
• Charly Alcaraz (AM)

Attackers:

• Brennan Johnson (RW,LW,AM,RWB)
• Tyler Dibling (RW)
• Jack Grealish (LW)
• Tyrique George (LW,ST)
• Thierno Barry (ST)

So as you can see it's safe to say that Everton are running on perhaps the least staked squad in the league right now and it's all thanks to their absolute shitshow of a transfer window.

Whether we're going to laugh at or cry with them we're currently still undecided on but to be honest I think the realistic answer might actually just be doing a little bit of both, that's probably what the Everton faithful are up to anyway.

If Everton was a small child, I would punch it clean in the face.

— 🅂🄴🄰🄽 (@S9RUO) September 1, 2026