We Go Ahead, Go Defensive and Completely Bottle It – When Are England Going to Learn Their Fucking Lesson?
World Cup Blog
We Go Ahead, Go Defensive and Completely Bottle It – When Are England Going to Learn Their Fucking Lesson?
We’ll always have that Anthony Gordon goal. It was absolute limbs: beer absolutely everywhere, fans across the country screaming their voices into next Tuesday, and an outpouring of hope that we could finally hurdle our shortcomings, beat away the sting of 60 years of hurt, and go all the way at a FIFA World Cup.
Alas, it was not to be, and honestly, who didn’t see that coming?
Thomas Tuchel had managed the game so well for nigh on an hour. Not adventurous, not even exciting to watch, but ruthlessly effective, setting up on the counter-attack and hitting Argentina where it hurt, while affording the backline some breathing space, never allowing them to come under too much pressure.
However, the moment Anthony Gordon prodded home from six yards out, Thomas Tuchel may as well have been a bystander, as the spirit of Sir Gareth Southgate returned in all of its awful glory. We’d seen it so often before under so many different guises, but to see us go ultra-defensive, full park-the-bus mode under our German general was something entirely unexpected.
2 - There are just two occasions of a team scoring first in the semi-final but not reaching the final of the FIFA World Cup in the 21st century – both of them are England (vs Croatia in 2018 and Argentina in 2026).
— OptaJoe (@OptaJoe) July 15, 2026
Familiar. pic.twitter.com/X645w5FQLk
Except it wasn't – it has long been a tradition of the England football team to shut up shop after a single goal – think Brazil in 2002, Croatia in 2018, Italy in 2021, the list goes on, unexpected and yet entirely unpredictable: England bottling a big game. It begs the question. Why do we never seem to learn our lesson?
Old Habits
As a nation, we are not born as sporting winners, despite the fact that we created and invented many of the most popular sports in the world today. The issue is, we just aren’t quite as good at them as some other nations that have adopted them into their very DNA.
Five-time World Cup winners Brazil have adopted the beautiful game and become better at it than us; despite going through a tough patch right now, our English rugby team is nowhere near the best in the world, and across the board in other sports such as golf and tennis, there are countless Americans and Europeans who have just that little something extra.
It seems that English athletes have something of an imposter syndrome – as soon as it comes to representing their nation at the highest level, on the grandest stage, the spotlight suddenly becomes too bright, and they fail to bring anything near their best level.
7 - England have been eliminated every time they have faced a top 10 ranked nation in the knockout stages of the FIFA World Cup since 1998 (7/7).
— OptaJoe (@OptaJoe) July 15, 2026
Obstacle. pic.twitter.com/TsO5i5eZR5
Everyone was magnificent for the first 55 minutes, but as soon as the Three Lions found the net, the change in mindset was palpable, almost an automatic shift – as soon as there was a whiff of potentially breaking a nation's glass ceiling and all of the cultural, historical, and national importance that would come with it, they retreated into their shells and simply took the beating.
Do we have a defeatist mentality? Do we lack the belief that we can banish our demons and actually win something? Is it a case of imposter syndrome, where no one believes they actually deserve to do something special because it isn’t in our English footballing DNA?
Weak, Wayward, Utterly Wet
It was so upsetting to watch us play so catastrophically defensively. Prior to our opener, we were averaging a shade under 50% of the possession, not dominating the game but certainly having the better of it.
After Gordon’s goal, we averaged just 12%. 12%! Curacao boasted more possession in their 7-1 defeat against Germany for crying out loud. We camped in our own third, let the Argentinians pass it around in front of us, and simply allowed them to.
12% - Average possession between Anthony Gordon's opener and Lautaro Martínez's winner (55th to 92nd minute):
— OptaJoe (@OptaJoe) July 15, 2026
12% - 🏴 England
88% - 🇦🇷 Argentina
Trapped. pic.twitter.com/J5S9wlHCpx
And it’s not like the warning signs weren’t there before they equalised – Alexis Mac Allister headed against the post, Jordan Pickford was forced into multiple smart saves, and the growing number of Argentinian attempts on goal set a generally worrying trend, and one which it seemed inevitable would be punctuated with a heart-wrenching goal.
It did, in the 85th minute of all times, and what is more, the goal perfectly underlined the pitfalls of defending your own box. Drawn back into our 18-yard area to defend the cross from Messi, the wizard from Rosario instead pulled it back to the edge of the box to Enzo Fernandez.
With no one within 10 yards of the midfielder, the Chelsea man had all the time in the world to pick his spot, and while Jude Bellingham did his belated best to close down the strike, it flew past Pickford and yet again set Three Lions fans up for disappointment.
Remarkably, nothing changed after the goal – many expected us to come out of our shell and throw everything at our rivals in pursuit of retaking the lead. Instead, the complete reverse happened.
Argentina, inspired by Messi, kept coming forward, and we had no choice but to continue camping in our box. Once again failing to close down a long shot, Mac Allister hit the post for a second time, and in the confusion, England failed to pick up their men in the box. Messi whipped in a cross, Lautaro Martinez rose completely unmarked, and singed English hopes to cinders before their very eyes in the second minute of added time.
Don’t park the bus, kids – you’re setting yourself up for disappointment…
Tommy Tuchel’s Terrible Changes
Though I have slated the players so far, the majority of the criticism has to fall on the manager's head, and that means dissecting Thomas Tuchel's game plan with court-martial precision.
By the time the 82nd minute rolled around, the German had removed both Declan Rice and Anthony Gordon in favour of two defenders, and at the moment Argentina netted their first goal, we had six defenders on the pitch and just three truly attack-minded players, with Kane, Bellingham and Rogers stuck ineffectively in our half and unable to unleash their talents.
Thomas Müller: "I cannot believe and understand how England approached this game after they're leading. I cannot understand how they invited Argentina to play one cross after the other in perfect crossing positions" pic.twitter.com/Hm35pZfRwf
— TheSecretScout (@TheSecretScout_) July 15, 2026
Tuchel’s changes signalled England’s intent to defend as if broadcast on international TV, and it meant that Argentina could pour men forward, not needing to worry about committing too many men forward, as we had absolutely no intention of threatening them. It may have worked against Mexico and Norway, but everyone knew ahead of time that Argentina were a completely different beast.
Tuchel also completely killed the balance of the team – as soon as Argentina equalised, the immediate response of every fan and pundit was the same: attack. But having removed forwards and added excess defenders, Tuchel clearly didn’t want to be forced into messing with the team again.
Perhaps he was hoping to defend for extra time and then fiddle with the balance, sending on the likes of Ivan Toney and Ollie Watkins to bring an attacking threat once again, but if that was his thought process, it was a process that proved to be his undoing.
It wasn’t the changes that pissed us off the most, though, but the outlandishly negative mentality we played with for the final 40 minutes. We mustered just 0.05 XG after Anthony Gordon’s goal, while we allowed Messi and co to have 1.4. It’s a night-and-day difference and entirely predictable.
What did Tuchel expect if his side kept allowing Messi 10 yards of space every time he got the ball? We were sat so deep that we were actively allowing the best player of all time to have the ball in his most obvious danger zones, a nigh-on suicidal approach that wouldn’t work in 100 meetings.
🚨🏴 The FA plans to continue with Thomas Tuchel as England head coach for next Euros.
— Fabrizio Romano (@FabrizioRomano) July 16, 2026
No changes after defeat vs Argentina as the intention is to continue together.
🎥➕ https://t.co/QtiAxJEN3C pic.twitter.com/RV1tdY1CpS
Suitably punished as the great man earned himself two assists in seven minutes, Tuchel’s knockout tactics were exposed for what they were: nothing more than a slightly better Southgate, highlighting that the English FA, England managers and England players simply haven’t heeded the lessons of the past.
It looks like Tuchel will somehow survive to coach England at another tournament, but he will have to show something different. We are far too good to play ultra-defensive football, and the more we utilise our staggeringly talented attack, the more menacing a prospect we become to teams around the world.
But we need to shed this mentality of protecting a one-goal lead in major tournaments. Fortune favours the brave – chase a second goal, and sitting back and defending becomes a whole lot more comfortable.
And to Thomas Tuchel: I will back you to the moon as a Chelsea fan, but you got things wrong last night and need to hold your hands up. That’s the only way forward for you after this.
Simon Miller 
