Football Explained: Rules Simplified for Beginners

Football Explained: Rules Simplified for Beginners

Ever watched a match, nodded along like you get it, then whispered “wait, why’s that offside?” to your mate? Yeah, me too—back in ’98 when Gascoigne’s tears broke my tiny heart.

Let’s fix that. By the end of this, you’ll know enough to place a confident bet before the first whistle, not halfway through the second half when the odds are already toast.

How to Place a Bet in 90 Seconds Flat (Before You Learn a Single Rule)

1. Grab an app – Highbet, 7Bet, whatever’s legal where you are.
2. Deposit – £10 minimum, card or PayPal, done.
3. Pick your market – Match winner? Both teams to score? Over 2.5 goals?
4. Stake – Slide that bar, confirm, boom.
5. Watch – Now you care if the ball crosses the line.

See? You’re already dangerous. But to win, you need the cheat codes below. Let’s rewind to kick-off.

The Pitch: Your Battlefield (11 vs 11, 90 Minutes of Drama)

Two teams. Eleven players each. One ball. A rectangle the size of a small farm (105m x 68m if you’re nerdy). Goal at each end—7.32m wide, 2.44m high. Score more than the opposition in 90 minutes + stoppage time. That’s it. Everything else is garnish.

The Big Four Rules That Decide 99% of Bets

1. Offside – The Sneaky Trap That Kills Accumulators

Player A receives the ball. If he’s closer to the opponent’s goal than both the ball and the second-to-last defender when the pass is played, flag goes up. Free kick to the defence.

The offside rule was introduced to stop players poaching goals. It was introduced to stop players gaining what was deemed an "unfair advantage"

The offside was never meant to penalise someone from being a FUCKIN TOENAIL ahead of the defender

The game is fucked pic.twitter.com/gyQqx4V5PO

— Fitzy (@Fitzy__07) June 29, 2024

Betting hack: Late goals often come from desperate teams are ignoring offside—watch for “over 0.5 goals after 80 mins” markets.

2. Fouls – Where Refs Earn Their Money (and Your Rage)

Trip, push, shirt-pull, tactical “professional” cuddle—free kick. Inside the big box (penalty area)? PENALTY. 12 yards, one keeper, pure theatre.

Nostalgic flex: Remember Diana Ross missing one at USA ’94? Don’t be Diana.

3. Cards – Yellow for Naughty, Red for “Pack Your Bags”

Two yellows = red = 10 men. Red card direct? Same deal. Teams down to 10 concede 0.7 goals more on average (stats nerds love this).

Betting gold: “Next team to receive a card” is printable money in spicy derbies.

4. Corners – The Set-Piece Lottery

Ball goes out behind the goal line off a defender = corner. Teams average 4-6 per game. Tall lads + good delivery = headache for keepers.

Pro tip: “Over 9.5 corners” cashes in 60% of Premier League games. You’re welcome.

The Clock: 90 Minutes + “Fergie Time” Shenanigans

Two 45-minute halves. Stoppages (injuries, VAR, dramatic rolling) added on at the end. That’s why your 3-0 “dead cert” at 89 minutes can still implode. Bet “double chance” if you’re scared.

Substitutions: Five Swaps, Infinite Plot Twists

Five subs per team (three windows). Used to be three—COVID changed everything. Late subs = fresh legs = late goals. Track “goal 76-90 mins” markets.

VAR: Love It or Loathe It, It’s Here

Video Assistant Referee checks goals, pens, red cards, mistaken identity. Takes 60-90 seconds, feels like 60 years. If the ref draws a TV in the air, hold your bet slip and pray.

THROWBACK THURSDAY : Did You Know This 💭

Nigerian Forward Kelechi Iheanacho is The First Ever Premier League Footballer to have a Goal checked and confirmed by the VAR.

August 11th 2019 : Leicester 2-1 Wolves. pic.twitter.com/ArjHPyDQ9v

— Mr. Nigerian Football (@AJSilverCFC) October 16, 2025

Quick-Fire Extras

• Throw-ins: Ball out on the sides, throw with two hands over your head. No goals direct from throw-ins—sorry, Stoke fans.
• Goal kicks: From inside the six-yard box after attacker puts it out.
• Drop ball: Ref drops it when play stops for no reason. Rare, magical, confusing.

TL;DR – Print This, Stick It on Fridge

• 11-a-side, 90 mins, most goals wins.
• Offside = ahead of ball + second-last defender.
• Fouls in box = pen. Cards reduce teams.
• Corners, subs, VAR = chaos = opportunities.

Now go bet like you’ve supported your team since birth. I’ll be in the virtual pub if the ref robs you. COYG (or whoever pays your mortgage this week).