The Premier League Star Who Has Fewer Successful Dribbles Than Goalkeepers and Lost Possession...

The Premier League Star Who Has Fewer Successful Dribbles Than Goalkeepers and Lost Possession

What if I told you at the start of the season that the man who was crowned the Premier League's best player, top scorer, and top assister, alongside coming 4th in the Ballon d'Or, would currently have the same amount of successful dribbles as Arteta has won trophies at Arsenal (no, we don't count community shields) and have lost the ball nearly as many times as Florian Wirtz cost millions, seven games into the season…

I think it's safe to say you wouldn't have believed me, right?

In fact, you probably would have laughed me out of the room as I desperately tried to prove that my time machine wasn't broken… But, as it would happen, the scenario I've just described is actually exactly where we are now – minus the time machine bit; that was just for effect.

Mo Salah in the Premier League this season:

1 Successful Dribble
105 Possessions Lost@AlNassrFC @ALAHLI_FCEN @Alhilal_EN @Alqadsiah @alettifaqO @ittihad_en @AlfayhaSC pic.twitter.com/Th5tPgh2Pt

— Hater Central (@TheHateCentral) October 6, 2025

Usually, Mo Salah is inevitable; this season he's been pretty easily avoidable. The Mohamed Salah hate-watch era is finally upon us, and boy have we waited a long time for it.

As the saying goes, heavy is the head that wears the crown. But what happens when the head gets too heavy? Well, the crown falls. Bars.

Worse Stats than…

Yes, okay, you could sit and defend him because he has still managed two goals and two assists… But would you defend me in court for robbing a bank just because I gave you a few grand? If you would, then I'll be in touch…

Anyway, no matter how much you might love the bloke, one single dribble in seven games is diabolical (I reckon I have better stats than that whilst eating my tea), and the list of players who have more potent numbers in that area is, quite frankly, hilarious.

And who would I be to not list off some of the funniest for your enjoyment? You can thank me later, it's okay.

Jeremy Doku (Man City)

You're probably looking at this one and thinking, 'That's not funny?', and you would be correct.

But purely for Salah's sake, because of course he's reading this wonderful article, I thought I'd offer some help for him.

So, Salah, if you're reading, go and watch Doku, because he's the perfect example of what you should be doing…

Ben Doak (Bournemouth)

Anyone remember Ben Doak? The young right winger that Liverpool sold to Bournemouth for £25m in favour of keeping Salah on 400k a week?

Well, he has equalled Salah's dribble success record this season… In just 28 minutes of football…

He's also lost the ball 100 fewer times… Maybe Liverpool sold the wrong player.

Joan Garcia (Barcelona)

No, surely not.

A goalkeeper with a better dribble success than THE Mo Salah? How far the mighty have fallen.

pic.twitter.com/RGrANOlxvl

— eric (@rrxkkz1) October 6, 2025

In fairness, though, Garcia does have a 100% dribble success rate; maybe he's just playing in the wrong position…

Liverpool, you know what to do.

25 of the 30 2025 Ballon d'Or Nominees

You remember that massive award that Liverpool fans claimed Salah was robbed of? Well, ironically, there are only five of the other candidates for that award who haven't outdone him in terms of dribbles.

Those all being players who have spent most of the early going injured, goalkeepers, and, interestingly, his teammate Mac Allister… Maybe Liverpool need to invest in a dribbling coach, if that's a thing.

You might believe he should have won it last year, but one thing is for sure: he won't be getting anywhere near it this year with the start he's made.

Leave the Football Before the Football Leaves You

As the not-so-great Jamie Carragher once said, 'Leave the football before the football leaves you.' Mo Salah may well have reached that point.

He's always played football a bit like a 40-year-old unc at 5-a-side, with something just a little off, a hint of incoordination and inshallah in his game, but the efficiency spoke for itself.

However, off the back of his recent new contract, which he fiddled around for so long over, he has really let his inner unc shine through, begging the question whether he was really just playing the most well-thought-out, long-term-planned April Fool's joke anybody has ever seen… Just note he did actually sign that contract in April as well, by the way…

Mo Salah watch and learn from him https://t.co/aSPzkM9yYf pic.twitter.com/3KmzMsH98A

— Los Galácticos (@DavidBryuce) October 7, 2025

finally calling his name after rinsing Liverpool for a season? If this form continues, I think Liverpool might be driving him there themselves, to be fair.

The issue with Salah is, though, you've got to get your slander in while it's still applicable, because you don't know when he's going to make you look like an idiot by sticking 25 goals in the onion bag…

Guess we'll just have to make the most of it while we can, eh… The fraud watch goes on.