What Would a Royal Rumble of Premier League Managers Look Like?

What Would a Royal Rumble of Premier League Managers Look Like?

No matter what you might think about WWE, the Royal Rumble is undoubtedly one of the best spectacles in all of sport.

Just the concept alone is one of pure chaos and excitement and brings a special something not really seen anywhere else.

But perhaps the best part about the Royal Rumble is that you can apply it to any hypothetical situation and have yourself a jolly old time imagining what would happen…

So we thought, why not do that with football? And that is exactly what we did…

Without further ado, here is what would happen if Premier League managers were involved in a Royal Rumble match.

The Premise

If you are unfamiliar, here is a little lowdown on exactly what the rumble is.

It is a 30-man match; the first two start in the ring, and each man enters at one-minute intervals. In order to be eliminated, you must be thrown over the top rope, and both feet must hit the floor.

There are always returns, people from other companies and a whole lot of turns in the match – so strap in, because this is likely to be one of the strangest (but hopefully entertaining) pieces of journalism you have ever laid eyes on…

Pep & Arteta Enter 1 & 2

The first two entrants make their way to the ring, and they are none other than Pep Guardiola and Mikel Arteta.

The two former friends turned managerial rivals take in the raucous crowd noise as the bell rings to get the rumble underway.

But instead of engaging in a fight, Pep reaches out his hand in a civil showing and looks to form an alliance with Arteta – using the nostalgia of their time at Man City to soften him up and draw him into a partnership.

A match which is usually every man for himself starts in an unprecedented manner with the two managers waiting it out for the third entrant.

Rob Edwards & Keith Andrews Quickly Dispatched

Number three is Wolves boss Rob Edwards, who comes out to a crowd clearly unmoved by his presence.

As he enters the ring, the tag team of Pep and Arteta quickly jump on Edwards before throwing him over the top rope in a matter of 30 seconds.

They play to the crowd and regroup in the ring before Keith Andrews comes out; unfortunately for the Brentford gaffer, Michael Kayode's long throws aren't a factor in a Royal Rumble, and he meets a quick demise in an almost identical manner to Edwards before.

Pep and Arteta are dominating this Rumble.

The Alliance is Over??

In at number four is Marco Silva, who takes his time and assesses his options as he makes his way to the ring.

Arteta leans over the ropes to shout abuse at the Fulham boss…

But what's this?! Pep Guardiola measures up Arteta from behind before launching a clubbing attack which sends Arteta spiralling over the ropes and to the floor!

Arteta looks up at the grinning Guardiola in bewilderment; he has been royally betrayed by his former mentor and is out of the Rumble – Pep waves tauntingly as the Arsenal boss trudges up the ramp to the dressing room.

The entering Marco Silva uses this lapse in concentration to his advantage, though, and puts Pep down with some brutal stomps in the corner.

The match is back in disarray.

Iraola, Hurzeler & Glasner Face Off

With Guardiola now alone following his cruel betrayal of Arteta, the entrants are beginning to flow, with Daniel Farke, Glasner, Hurzeler and Iraola all entering the ring.

As the brawl ensues, Pep, Silva and Farke are all bettered by their counterparts in the ring corners…

Glasner, Hurzeler and Iraola stand tall as the crowd erupts into a cacophony of noise – they all slowly turn to the centre of the ring and face off; the next generation of managers stare each other down in a moment which gives a glimpse into the future…

David Moyes is Here!

Whilst the new blood is facing off, the crowd counts down the next entrant… "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)" by The Proclaimers blasts over the speakers, and out walks none other than old head David Moyes to break up the spectacle of the young gaffers in the ring.

Moyes marches down to the ring in imperious fashion and hits three stone-cold stunners on Glasner, Hurzeler and Iraola, leaving them flat on the ring mat – Farke has stirred by now and attempts to end Moyes' hot streak, but the Everton boss ducks a clothesline and sends Farke to the floor.

More Eliminations and Xabi Alonso Enters?!

Iraola and Glasner fight on the apron as they argue about who will take the Man United job at the end of the season and inadvertently eliminate each other in comical fashion, before continuing their brawl at ringside.

As the in-ring action continues, Xabi Alonso enters as the 11th participant, putting his newfound free time to good use…

But as he takes in the pyro at the top of the ramp, Endrick appears from behind him with a steel chair in hand, seeking revenge for the lack of minutes Xabi gave him at Real Madrid.

Endrick launches a shot which thuds throughout the arena and stands over his former manager, shouting, "That one's for Madrid!", eliminating Alonso before he even makes it to the ring.

Regis Le Bris and Unai Emery are the next two to enter the fray, followed by the new boss double of Rosenior and Carrick as the ring begins to fill up.

Jason Tindall Steals the Limelight Once Again

At number 16 is Newcastle boss Eddie Howe, who begins his journey to the ring.

But as he gets halfway down the ramp, Last Christmas by Wham rings out through the arena, and the titantron lights up with a still image of Jason Tindall's face.

The assistant manager sprints from backstage, past Howe, and steals his spot in the Rumble, taking the limelight once again!

As he slides into the ring, he is attacked by the rest of the participants, who are angered by his antics on a weekly basis in the Premier League, and he is quickly thrown out, managing to take Regis le Bris with him in the process (I was always going to do that; I'm not sorry).

Howe, still confused about what has just happened, consoles his assistant and carries him back up the ramp to the locker room.

Redknapp Returns & More Eliminations

Michael Carrick and David Moyes renew acquaintances but get a bit carried away with their chat, and the now exhausted Marco Silva manages to eliminate both in one fell swoop.

Unai Emery is knocked off the apron by Pep and is only saved by a Kofi Kingston-type stunt which sees Marco Bizot catch him in the front row of the crowd before Emery jumps from the barricade back to the ring, screaming "MARCO BIZOT!" as he does so – an exceptional feat of athleticism by the Villa gaffer that no one really knew he was capable of.

With the remaining managers still battling it out, the old Evolution music hits, but instead of Triple H and co., out comes Harry Redknapp accompanied by Peter Crouch, Jermaine Defoe and Nico Kranjcar.

Unfortunately for them, Crouch forgot he was filming his podcast that day, and Harry Redknapp's horse "The Two Harry's" was in action at a Newmarket Racecourse meet, so the ex-Spurs cohort didn't last long and quickly dispersed in Spursy fashion like some sort of R-Truth skit.

A Forest Reunion

Pep, Marco Silva, Hurzeler, Emery and Rosenior are still in the ring as the action continues.

The time is flying by, and Sean Dyche is followed by Nuno Espírito Santo and the returning figure of Ange Postecoglou, the ring is filling up once more.

The past and present Nottingham Forest managers are quick to make an impact, with new man Liam Rosenior sent flying by Sean Dyche who labels his appointment under the 'multi-club' model utter woke nonsense.

As the three stand in the ring and weep about their bad experiences in Nottingham, the timer reaches zero once again…

The top of the ramp remains empty as everyone wonders where the next participant is. Then, through the crowd, appears Evangelos Marinakis with a kendo stick in hand!

The controversial Forest owner steps effortlessly over the top rope with the three managers who have screwed up his season (in his mind) in front of him wide-eyed.

Marinakis unleashes his wrath on the three gaffers, with each receiving lashings from the kendo stick. Nuno is eliminated first by the big Greek, and it isn't long before Postecoglu follows him over the top rope.

But, before Sean Dyche can meet the same demise, Sam Allardyce runs from the back, accompanied by Alan Pardew and Tony Pulis, as the Uber Eats faction shows itself once more.

The three drag Marinakis from the ring before triple powerbombing him through the announce table with shades of 'The Shield' rife – they aren't in the match, just came to restore order – almost like vigilantes.

Parker, Frank and A VAR Blunder

Getting to the business end of the Rumble, Scott Parker enters as the 22nd participant; he walks to the ring with a selfie stick in hand, channelling his inner Tyler Breeze, making sure his hair is perfect and taking selfies as he approaches. He makes it just inside the ropes before an unimpressed Sean Dyche unleashes a devastating Sweet Chin Music and stops the Burnley boss in his tracks, eliminating him in record time.

Five managers are still in the ring, but that quickly becomes four as Fabian Hurzeler wrestles the long-standing Marco Silva over the ropes. There is controversy, as Silva's feet don't actually touch the floor whilst he hauls himself back into the ring – but after drawing the lines on, VAR comes to the wrong decision and advises the referee that the on-field decision is incorrect, eliminating the Fulham boss.

Thomas Frank is next to enter the ring, but after merely a few seconds, where Frank continues the sentiment of his boring football and does nothing, a disgruntled Spurs fan rushes the ring from the crowd and eliminates him whilst chanting, "You're getting sacked in the morning."

Liverpool Past & Present

With Pep, Hurzeler, Emery and Dyche as the men in the ring, Liverpool boss Arne Slot comes in cosplaying as the Big Show.

He immediately beelines for Dyche, sensing an opportunity to eliminate the Forest boss, who is both hanging onto his job and his place in the Rumble by a thread after the attack of Marinakis.

A big chokeslam off the top rope to the outside and Slot gets the job done, but the timer is up once again and YNWA starts…

Slot stands, confused as to who it could be, as he is the current Liverpool boss – then, from the curtain, Jürgen Klopp appears.

The man who had once endorsed Slot looks furious as he sprints down the ramp. Klopp gets right up in the face of Slot in the ring and questions what he has done to the Liverpool side Klopp built.

He sticks it on a frozen-in-fear Slot, with shoulder charges and a five-knuckle shuffle in ode to the now-retired John Cena.

Klopp then slings Slot over the ropes and eliminates him before going after the helpless Hurzeler and eliminating him too.

He stands tall as the crowd goes mad.

An Iconic Face-Off and An Unexpected Winner?!

As Klopp laps up the ovation, Unai Emery springs from his corner and goes after the ex-Liverpool gaffer.

Pep Guardiola, incensed at the return of his nemesis, grabs Emery and hits him with an Undertaker-style last ride to end his dream of headlining Wrestlemania.

Pep and Klopp are now face-to-face in the centre of the ring, a Premier League rivalry etched in time renewed in a wrestling ring.

The two begin their back-and-forth battle, with each blow drawing a mass of cheers from the audience.

Pep throws Klopp to the apron, Klopp evades Pep's attempt to knock him off as the City boss falls through the ropes and joins Klopp on the edge of elimination.

As the two trade blows once again, the lights dim and the arena is cast into darkness.

A gong reminiscent of the Undertaker rings out as an air of anticipation swirls in the arena…

"BAH GAWD, IT'S ROY HODGSON!!"

The lights raise, and standing in the centre is the former Palace boss, with a wry grin plastered across his face.

Klopp and Pep, still on the apron, look like they've seen a ghost…

Before either can move a muscle, Hodgson bounces off the ropes and runs, full steam ahead across the ring, unleashing a double clothesline, knocking the two greats to the floor and winning the Royal Rumble.

Roy Hodgson is going to football manager Wrestlemania!